One of the strange things about being a divorced parent is the whole issue of
schedules. I am fortunate to get along pretty well with my ex-wife (though it
is quite clear that we never could have stayed married). Ironically, this can
make scheduling issues even worse. For a long time we had a schedule where the
kids would be at my house on alternate days and alternate weekends. This worked
pretty well, since they could ride the bus home from school to each house as
appropriate, but it could get a bit confusing. More recently we have switched
to a complicated sounding 3/4 schedule, where the kids are with my either
Sat-Tue or Sun-Tue. If this all seems a bit strange to you, it is.

Because we all get along, there is plenty of flexibility in the schedule around
the kids’ activities, business trips, etc. But yesterday’s events are a good
example of what can happen because of this flexibility. I woke early on
Saturday with a sound plan to spend most of the day doing some needed creative
things: getting some query letters out in the mail, researching some markets,
transcribing some drafts from my journal, and finally getting in a solid 3-4
hours of blissfully uninterrupted writing time. At about 9a, while I was
drinking coffee and looking at the Poets & Writers classified, my daughter
called to see if coming over at 10 a.m. is too early. I was a bit irritated at
the interruption and told her that I didn’t have any plans to have them over. I
talked to Mom, she realized that the schedule this weekend starts on Sunday, and
I go back to work.

Then I start feeling guilty. As a divorced parent you look forward to– and
plan around– your time without the children just as you look forward to– and
make plans for– your time with them. I want to have my kids with me all the
time. But if I know I am not going to, I will plan to do certain things when
they are not there just as I plan activities for the times they are with me. It
is hard for me not to see my kids every day. One of the small rewards is that
it does allow for some more “free” time to do other things.

But I don’t ever want my kids to think that I don’t want them around. They are
welcome to come home and stay anytime they want on a “Mom Day” or days, but
that is a discussion for them to have with their Mother. So I called back to
explain that it wasn’t that I don’t want them to come over, that of course they
can come anytime they want, but it was a day they are supposed to be with their
mom and she probably wants to do things with them now that the schedule is
straightened out.

An hour later my daughter calls back to say she and her brother will be over in
a bit. There go all my plans. I meant every word I said when I told them they
were welcome anytime. But I didn’t expect them to actually take me up on my
offer!

All was not lost, though– I still hoped to get some work done before dinner,
possibly even a few hours of writing. But along with the kids comes the kids’
friends, need for help with their computer, discussions, the blaring of music
and the PlayStation, and ultimately a friend who is visiting from Anchorage who
wants to spend the night to visit my son. While I am OK leaving my two children
alone for a few hours, I won’t do so with someone else’s child over!

At the end of the day, I find I have achieved nearly nothing of the plans for
the day, not to mention getting a lot less sleep than I had hoped. And this
morning, the whole cycle starts over.