Here is how to spend your birthday the Chris Lott way:

First, get the flu. Not on your birthday, but a day or two before so that you will spend some time wondering if you are really getting sick and then actually be sick on your birthday itself.

Yell at your kids for being– well– kids, because you are sick and tired. Then feel extremely bad and have no way to make up for it. Lie in bed in the dark and ponder your miniscule list of accomplishments.

Make sure to get a few cards from people who mistake you for being 5-10 years older than you are. The only other cards you are allowed to receive are electronic greeting cards with a virus.

Take the day off work (you will be sick, after all), but be too sick to enjoy it. When you finally can rouse yourself, go to the movies and watch a horrible movie. You are to be the only person in the theatre at the time. The woman selling you candy and the ticket taker should look at you and your large soda and bag of candy with pity.

It is important that you be feeling really shitty by the time dinner with your wife rolls around. I recommend a combination of light-headedness, nausea, and burning in the lungs.

After the dinner, distract your wife (or significant other) and nearly get involved in a horrifying car accident. Make sure that the oncoming car is coming at your side of the car.

Go to sleep wondering how many more of these days you will be blessed with.